The Disney Attractions I Don’t Ride
I have a salacious confession. Despite the fact that I write about Disney constantly, I don’t loooove all the rides.
Sure, I enjoy them all, but we all have our favorites, right? For me, a few Disney attractions don’t provide the same thrills. So, I tend to skip them.
Here’s my list of the Disney attractions I don’t feel like I must ride during every park visit.
Astro Orbiter
I like spinner rides as much as the next person, but let’s be honest. Astro Orbiter and the other Magic Kingdom spinners aren’t up to snuff by Disney standards.
As fans, we expect high-end Imagineering achievements, not rides that are on a par with the Graviton at the local carnival.
When I’m at the parks, I think of myself as on the clock. A day at Disney is expensive, and I don’t want to waste it on lesser rides.
At Magic Kingdom, the opportunity cost of any attraction is brutal. You’re taking away time from doing something else.
For this reason, I prioritize about 15 favorites above the rest. Astro Orbiter definitely doesn’t make my top 15 at Magic Kingdom.
Avatar Flight of Passage
Because of how alphabetization works, I’m gonna lose you right off the bat here. I accept that going in.
You should know a couple of things about me that will recur throughout this list.
The first is that I’m a big dude. I’m a mountain man who is currently 6’2” and 225 pounds.
Disney considers guests of all shapes and sizes when it designs its ride carts.
Still, the average adult male is 5’9” and 198 pounds, while the average adult female is 5’4” and 170 pounds.
For this reason, the sweet spot for ride carts falls in the 6’ feet and under range and presumes the overwhelming majority of guests are under 220 pounds.
Also, Disney can’t possibly take personal quirks into consideration like the fact that I was once 6’4” before my back issues started.
For this reason, every well-meaning cast member helpfully tries to push the Avatar Flight of Passage motorbike bar against my back. It’s an electric jolt of pain for me.
So, I don’t love the Avatar Flight of Passage experience the way that most people do. The ride itself is breathtaking and visually stunning.
However, the 90-minute wait and pounding my body takes often cause me to skip this attraction. That’s the kind of ride calculus I do at Disney.
The Barnstormer
This Magic Kingdom starter coaster works perfectly as an introductory ride experience for kids. It’s also impeccably well-crafted.
I love the coaster track layout and admire the theming here. So, I will take an occasional spin on The Barnstormer from time to time despite the fact that it’s kind of a tight fit.
This roller coaster is the one at Magic Kingdom that I’m likely to skip, though.
Journey into Imagination with Figment
This ride’s more of a mood thing with me. Sometimes, I’m all about Figment, as happened during my most recent trip. I rode it at least three times.
Before that, I’m dubious that I’d ridden it three times in total during my previous five trips combined.
At its core, the current version of Figment strikes me as what someone would think a Disney ride is rather than what one should actually be.
I like the ride well enough as a child-friendly celebration of the creative process, a subject near and dear to my heart.
Still, Figment skews VERY young, and I am most assuredly not that.
Mad Tea Party
I know that many of you are with me on this one. To the best of my knowledge, it was NASA that coined the term, “vomit comet.”
For me, Mad Tea Party works as a sneaky little vomit comet of a ride, although part of the problem is entirely my fault.
I mean, it’s not like I’m going to get on this ride and NOT spin the wheel as much as possible, right?
Sure, I know I’ll regret it almost instantly. But I’m a glutton for punishment.
Mission: SPACE
Speaking of NASA and vomit comets, here’s the worst offender at the parks.
Early in the 2000s, Imagineers wanted to prove themselves a bit too much. So, they constructed this incredibly intense thrill ride.
Their creation quickly proved divisive, as the initial iteration of Mission: SPACE had guests running for trash cans and bathrooms.
After a ton of negative PR, park officials acknowledged that they had dreamt too big with this ride.
Disney introduced a calmer version to work in tandem with the original, which I also suspect Disney toned down quite a bit. That first year was roooough.
Still, I don’t mind the thrill ride aspects of Mission: SPACE inasmuch as its other core problem.
A few years ago, Disney updated the calm version of the ride to tell a slightly different story. Beyond that, this ride really hasn’t changed much in 20 years.
You take on one of four roles, all of which come down to pushing a few buttons.
Meanwhile, you’re trapped in a tight space that’s uncomfortable for someone my size.
I’m not someone who feels claustrophobic as a rule, but this one can get to me. So, I usually pass.
The impeccable quality of Space 220 has started luring me to this area more, though.
Prince Charming Regal Carrousel
By way of explanation, I’ll mention two things. 1) I’m over the age of eight. 2) I don’t have children of my own.
For these reasons, riding the carousel feels a bit…strange? I dunno. When I’m one of the few singles on a ride filled with parents and small children, I feel creepy.
In truth, out of everything I’ve listed here, I probably ride Prince Charming Regal Carrousel the least.
There’s even a secondary reason for this. It’s almost a theme park roundabout with its location.
So, when I’m in this area, I’m more interested in Peter Pan’s Flight, It’s a Small World, Princess Fairytale Hall, or a trip to the back of New Fantasyland.
For whatever reason, I often look at this carousel, but I almost never stop and ride it.
Star Wars: Rise of the Resistance
No, I’m not about to say anything blasphemous. In fact, even though I could care less about Star Wars, I’m genuinely in awe of this attraction.
Everything about this experience redefines what Disney fans should expect at the parks. It’s the gold standard in Imagineering today.
Still, Rise of the Resistance comes with plenty of overhead, at least right now.
The wait times for this attraction regularly hover around and sometimes even surpass 120 minutes.
While you can purchase a Lightning Lane, that strategy costs my wife and me $40-$50 for something we’ve ridden several times before. So, the bang for the buck isn’t great.
Then, there’s the frustration that occurs when you DO purchase a Lightning Lane, only for the attraction to shut down for an indefinite period.
Someone I trust has indicated that Rise of Resistance averages more than an hour of daily downtime.
A couple of years ago, a site tracked an average of 3.6 daily breakdowns for Rise of the Resistance.
That’s no longer accurate. Still, getting in line here remains a dicey proposition.
I’m not being hyperbolic when I say that a questionable Lightning Lane purchase for Rise of the Resistance ruined a recent Hollywood Studios park day for us.
This attraction is legitimately in the conversation for best in the world, but it does come with some innate risk.
Tomorrowland Speedway
This explanation is pretty simple. I have a car and can drive. Before I was 16, I enjoyed Tomorrowland Speedway much more.
Back then, the ride delivered on the promise that I’d one day become a grown-up capable of driving myself around town.
Now that I’ve lived out that dream, I mainly think about post-sporting event gridlock, 5 p.m. traffic congestion, and 18-wheelers who sleepily wander into my lane.
I’m the rare southerner who isn’t in love with the idea of driving even though I do possess the kind of lead foot that would make my moonshine runner forefathers proud.
In short, I’ve aged out of Tomorrowland Speedway. We all do once we get our Learner’s Permit.
When we take the wheel at five years old, Tomorrowland Speedway delivers an inimitable feeling of power, though. I still remember it today.
TriceraTop Spin
Walt Disney World operates four variations of this ride concept, and I honestly could have included all of them.
However, I chose Astro Orbiter since it’s the one I pick the least out of the bunch. That’s because it resides right beside the Tomorrowland Transit Authority PeopleMover.
Astro Orbiter generally requires a wait of 30 minutes or more, while the PeopleMover is rarely longer than 10 minutes…and the PeopleMover is better.
Meanwhile, I do sometimes take a spin on Magic Carpets of Aladdin on my way to/from Jungle Cruise and Pirates of the Caribbean.
Similarly, when I’m in the mood, Dumbo the Flying Elephant resides squarely in the middle of my usual walking paths. So, I’ll hop on it, too.
TriceraTop Spin isn’t like that for me. If I’m being honest, most of DinoLand U.S.A. just makes me sad. It’s so low-rent and decidedly un-Disney.
When I visit this area, I’m either meeting characters or heading straight to DINOSAUR.
Even though TriceraTop Spin is frequently a walk-on experience, I still pass much more often than not. It just doesn’t do much for me.
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