Which Disney Stories Deserve a Dark Ride?
A few months ago, The Walt Disney Company filed the paperwork to perform massive theme park expansions around the world.
Now that the dust has settled, we have a decent idea of which properties will add/enhance their theme park presences.
But I worry that a few worthy titles may get overlooked.
So, which Disney stories deserve a dark ride? I have a few suggestions…
The Emperor’s New Groove
“Why do we even have that lever?”
For those of you who have watched The Emperor’s New Groove – and if you haven’t, snap to it! – this one’s easy.
You construct a ride where you experience life through the eyes of a llama…or Kronk. I’m not sure which one would be weirder.
At the start of the ride, someone – i.e., Kronk – pulls the wrong lever. Whoosh! You’re off on a long adventure.
This film is one of the sleeper hits of the past quarter-century, and Kronk is a beloved character, while Yzma is a terrific villain. We need this.
Lilo & Stitch
I’ll highlight a few underrated classics and emphasize a few blockbusters.
In the case of Lilo & Stitch, it’s both. This sleeper hit came with low expectations when it entered theaters.
Now, Stitch is legitimately one of the most popular Disney characters ever, especially in terms of merchandising.
So, Disney possesses the financial incentive to build a Stitch ride, and its theming would be surprisingly deep.
Remember that while the natural setting is Hawaii, Stitch comes from outer space, and everyone chasing him employs heavy sci-fi.
We’re talking about a potential dark ride with plenty of action, delightful music, and an emotional core about how family heals.
The Lion King
Disney has released an animated version and a live-action remake of this title.
Combined, they’ve earned about $2.6 billion at the box office.
Overall, we’re discussing a $15+ billion-dollar franchise.
Somehow, Disney has never created a dark ride for The Lion King, even though other less successful films have gotten one.
Yes, The Lion King plays an integral role in shows, nighttime presentations, and even Mickey’s PhilharMagic.
But if The Little Mermaid, Frozen, Ratatouille, and Beauty and Alice in Wonderland get dark rides, why doesn’t The Lion King?
Even Beauty and the Beast recently introduced a dark ride at Tokyo Disneyland yet we’re still awaiting The Lion King.
Disney should rectify this oversight.
The Nightmare Before Christmas
Here’s another instance where the people have spoken.
I laugh whenever I research streaming ratings, as Tim Burton’s The Nightmare Before Christmas is one of the most popular programs on Disney+.
Similarly, Haunted Mansion Holiday has become a seminal event on the Disneyland calendar.
Fans are currently mourning its recent closure and counting down the days until the holiday version returns in August/September.
The passion for Nightmare Before Christmas permeates throughout the Disney merchandise catalog.
You’ll find entire walls at Hot Topic and Box Lunch devoted to Sally, Jack, and Oogie Boogie.
I realize that a dark ride might step on some toes with regards to Haunted Mansion Holiday…but Walt Disney World doesn’t get that.
Something more permanent makes sense at Walt Disney World.
Phineas and Ferb
What, did you forget about Disney television shows? They count, too! In fact, they don’t even need to be Disney programs.
One of the best attractions ever is Twilight Zone Tower of Terror.
Meanwhile, Phineas and Ferb entertained EPCOT guests for years with that World Showcase clue search.
An entire generation of Disney fans grew up on Phineas and Ferb, and another will soon.
Disney has commissioned a new batch of episodes, thereby introducing a new generation to summer vacation hobbies.
What would Phineas and Ferb look like as a ride? That’s for Disney Imagineers to decide.
Personally, I believe it’d be the better version of Journey into Imagination with Figment.
I realize that’s borderline heresy to many, but every Phineas and Ferb adventure explores the unknown by using the power of creativity.
The Mandalorian
This one’s a no-brainer.
For the past couple of years, Star Wars fans have argued over the direction of the next film franchise.
While I’ve learned not to engage with the Star Wars community – I was way too honest about The Phantom Menace back in the day – I knew the answer.
The Mandalorian and its Baby Yoda (I’m not calling him Grogu) stole the hearts of jaded, cynical fans.
For once, a storyteller rewarded their passion for all things Star Wars.
Conveniently, Disney owns and operates two different Star Wars themed lands in the United States.
Disney could easily find the space to add a dark ride installation for the further adventures of Baby Yoda.
And I can guarantee you that the lines for that ride would make Star Wars: Rise of the Resistance look like TriceraTop Spin.
Raya and the Last Dragon
Here’s one of the two surprise choices.
I’m devout in the belief that if not for the pandemic, Raya and the Last Dragon would be beloved by all.
Disney told a masterful story about destiny, loss, and acceptance. Oh, and it happened to be absolutely gorgeous to watch.
A dark ride that retells that story wouldn’t need to do anything but trust the source material, which is perfect as is.
Up
Speaking of perfect, the production crew at Pixar kindly laid out the storyboard for every scene of an Up dark ride.
We would start at Carl Fredricksen’s home. Then, balloons would carry the ride cart into the sky.
Later, we’d encounter Kevin, the dogs whom Dug tries to befriend, and board Charles Muntz’s dirigible.
This attraction would have action, adventure, love, and oh so much Dug.
I haven’t even met this ride, and I love it.
WandaVision
Finally, we have my only Marvel pitch, and it’s almost assuredly not for the characters and story you’d expect.
Sure, we could battle Thanos, but that attraction is already in the planning stages.
I’d rather we explore something on a smaller scale, and I think WandaVision would be perfect.
After all, the storytellers have conveniently subdivided the ride by decades. So, each scene could add a new sitcom backdrop.
Simultaneously, the music could cycle through the various theme songs played throughout the series.
Ultimately, the story would end with Agatha All Along and a showdown between Wanda and Agatha in the skies over Westview.
Who wouldn’t want to watch that witch fight? Plus, Disney really needs some Agatha Harkness at the parks.
Okay, those were my suggestions. Which Disney stories do you believe deserve a dark ride?
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Feature Photo: Lucasfilm