Disney Attractions That Aren’t Quite up to Snuff
The Walt Disney Company loves to plus its theme park attractions. Sometimes, it does this even when fans aren’t ready for the changes.
I’m thinking of Jungle Cruise, Splash Mountain, and Pirates of the Caribbean when I say this, although the late Maelstrom matters the most to me.
Anyway, the point is that Disney could improve or re-theme any attraction at a moment’s notice. So, let’s look into Madame Leota’s crystal ball for a moment.
Which Disney attractions aren’t quite up to snuff and could use improvements?
Credit: https://hauntedmansion.fandom.com/wiki/Madame_Leota
Astro Orbiter
Controversial subjects like this rarely come with any sort of consensus opinion. So, if you disagree with any of my selections, great!
Let me know in the comments why you love these rides and don’t want them to change!
Keeping that in mind, I’ll start with one of the most visually stunning attractions at Walt Disney World.
Astro Orbiter looks so gorgeous at night that it anchors the skyline for Tomorrowland at Magic Kingdom.
As for the ride, you sit in a “spaceship.” It lifts you up for a bit, and then you spin in circles.
Really, this attraction isn’t much different from Magic Carpets of Aladdin or Dumbo the Flying Elephant. It’s just higher in the air and a bit more nuanced.
Should Magic Kingdom offer three rides so similar? I say no, and this one’s the easiest to modify. The others require less space to operate.
So, I hope that Disney does something that keeps the shiny lights but adds to the ride’s enjoyment factor.
Journey into Imagination with Figment
You know the deal here. In 1982, the Imagination! pavilion launched with a ride that instantly captured the imagination of children.
To this day, more than 20 years after it ended, people still lament the absence of the Dreamfinder…and I’m one of them.
The modern version of Journey into Imagination with Figment works well enough for what it is.
Still, we know from the original version that Journey into Imagination with Figment could be oh so much better with a bit of TLC.
This ride needs a story, one memorable enough that the person acting in it won’t forget the whole thing.
Kali River Rapids
Okay, this selection may prove a bit controversial. I know that I’ve grown fonder of Kali River Rapids in recent years.
Disney didn’t change anything. Instead, I accepted the attraction for what it is rather than what I want it to be.
Realistically, it’s a whitewater rapids ride, the kind you’ll find at most amusement parks.
The difference stems from Disney’s theming, including an eco-friendly message about the dangers of illegal logging.
I quite like that about it, especially now that I’ve paid more attention to the line queue videos.
Still, discussions like this must involve hard truths. Grizzly River Run at Disney California Adventure is better. That’s reason enough to plus Kali River Rapids.
The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh
Okay, here’s another attraction I really like. I ride it at least once per Magic Kingdom visit, if not multiple times.
Even so, this situation mirrors the one I just discussed. We all know that another theme park operates a better version of the concept.
Image Credit: Disney
Pooh’s Hunny Hunt at Tokyo Disneyland employs trackless technology to create an imitable ride experience.
At one point, the rider actually bounces in tandem with Tigger. It’s magical.
Magic Kingdom could duplicate and possibly even enhance that premise, as it’s more than 20 years old now.
The reason why the change may never happen comes down to cost. The Tokyo Disneyland ride cost more than $130 million to build.
Even now, we’re probably talking about a nine-figure investment. The improvements would justify the cost, though.
Mission: SPACE
This one’s tricky. The building that hosts Mission: SPACE isn’t very big. As such, this attraction wouldn’t be easy to replace.
Also, Imagineers still sound so proud of the achievement. This ride genuinely mimics space travel to a degree that impresses actual astronauts.
Disney worked closed with NASA and its former employees to construct a rough, claustrophobic ride experience.
Unfortunately, Mission: SPACE just doesn’t hold up well in an age of realistic videogame simulations of space travel.
None of those can match the visceral experience on the ride. Still, space travel is about to become a tourist option anyway.
Ten years from now, Mission: SPACE will be extraordinarily dated. So, something’s gotta give soon.
Muppet*Vision 3D
For whatever reason, Disney’s attempts to reboot the Muppets haven’t worked well enough to sustain the brand.
So, Disney should consider a new film or live show for this space. I’d suggest something related to Moana, the current subject of adoration on Disney+.
However, something else Disney could do is introduce its first Mickey & Minnie Mouse show to pair with Mickey & Minnie’s Runaway Railway.
Similarly, a Star Wars attraction would make sense for this space. On the other hand…
Image: Star Wars
Star Tours – The Adventures Continue
Star Tours is right down the street from Muppet*Vision, which should instruct Disney on how to pair the attractions.
Now, you may argue that Star Tours doesn’t need any changes. After all, Disney pluses this attraction regularly.
Also, Star Tours qualifies as one of the earliest popular rides at Disney’s Hollywood Studios, a park that had a shaky start. So, it’s got history on its side.
Still, park officials must think about what’s coming next and what’s not working today.
Star Tours features some story elements from the Holy Trilogy and more from recent Star Wars films.
Younger Hollywood Studios guests don’t connect as much with the original Star Wars trilogy, which is roughly 40 years old.
Conversely, a boisterous group of older fans laments the quality of the newest trilogy.
Also, Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge features two attractions that make Star Tours look dated.
In fact, Millennium Falcon: Smugglers Run utilizes the same ride concept and does it MUCH better.
I think it’s time for Disney to let this one go.
Tomorrowland Speedway
I mention this occasionally because it blows my mind. Please take a look at a map of Magic Kingdom.
Tomorrowland Speedway alone nearly matches the overall size of the entirety of Frontierland. That’s crazy, right?
Now, think about what Tomorrowland Speedway is. Yes, we’re talking about a glorified driving simulator. It’s like go-karts, only tamer.
Friends, you can ride go-karts pretty much anywhere. I mean, there are YouTube videos that teach you how to build one on your own:
Disney is wasting this space right now, and it kills me!
TriceraTop Spin
You’ve ridden it. You know the deal.
Whenever I do wait time analysis at Walt Disney World, I’m surprised when TriceraTop Spin averages more than eight minutes.
People just do not care about this ride at all. Somehow, it’s less popular than its Magic Kingdom clones like Dumbo the Flying Elephant.
I guess that the themed versions of the ride, the ones with Dumbo and Aladdin, appeal more to kids than dinosaurs. I…would have lost that bet.
Anyway, DinoLand U.S.A. is a mess these days and really has been since day one. Other than DINOSAUR and some character meetings, it’s lacking in appeal.
So, park officials might prefer to go whole hog here and reboot DinoLand U.S.A. entirely.
