Let’s Rank the Rides at Animal Kingdom

We’re currently experiencing a shift at Walt Disney World. The new Lightning Lane system alters some of our approaches to various theme parks.

As part of these changes, we’re all reflecting on which Lightning Lanes we want/need.

Such conversations rely on a more primary question.

Which attractions should you prioritize at Walt Disney World?

The answers vary from park to park, and they’re complicated by the fact that not all attractions participate in Lightning Lane.

Still, there’s one simple question we can answer at each park: What’s worth your time and attention?

As an example, here’s how I’d rank the rides at Animal Kingdom.

Wildlife Express Train

Hey, don’t laugh. It’s a ride.

When you travel with children, they won’t distinguish between what’s a Disney attraction versus what’s a backwoods train.

To them, Wildlife Express Train takes them through the marvelous terrain of that Disney zoo. It’s a wonderful ride.

For the rest of us, it’s kind of a cramped train that we’re forced to ride because Animal Kingdom is so massive.

On the bright side, there’s a petting zoo at the end.

TriceraTop Spin

Well, there’s truth in advertising with this one.

You certainly ride a Triceratops, and it does spin.

Honestly, I know that these flat rides get a bad rap, but I kind of dig them.

You roll around and generally enjoy the breeze on your face, which is ideal during the summer.

Plus, the wait time for this attraction is generally minimal.

So, even though it’s mediocre by Disney standards, it’s still an easy yes during most park visits.

Kali River Rapids

Then again, during the summer, one attraction towers above the rest.

Kali River Rapids is the kind of wet ride you’ll fantasize about on scorching hot days.

This water raft ride spins you and your guests through a treacherous path.

You’ll discover fountains and splash zones at unexpected locations, so much so that you’ll quickly deduce there’s no chance you’ll exit the ride dry.

The only question is how drenched you get.

I often mention the downside of Kali River Rapids, which is that you often stand outdoors for an hour while waiting to cool off. That defeats the purpose.

Still, the ride itself is thrilling.

DINOSAUR

Raise your glass and toast DINOSAUR as it enters its final days.

The original version of DINOSAUR: Countdown to Extinction opened with Animal Kingdom in 1998.

Disney added a connection to a largely forgotten film called Dinosaur in 2000, which spoke to its lack of popularity.

Many guests throw the baby out with the bathwater for everything at DinoLand U.S.A.; however, I feel that DINOSAUR gets a bad rap.

I think the time travel elements distinguish it, and I’m a big fan of the suspenseful moments as the asteroid approaches.

Avatar Flight of Passage

Yes, I know.

Villagers are grabbing their torches and pitchforks and heading to my laboratory right now.

I always try to be as transparent as possible when discussing Avatar Flight of Passage as the conversation has nuance.

On the one hand, I’m in awe of the detail and theming during the ride experience.

The level of immersion rivals anything in the history of Imagineering.

You’ll fully believe that you have been transported to Pandora and are living out a remarkable Avatar encounter as a Na’Vi.

You even fly on a banshee and briefly rest in one of the lush, illuminated forests.

Sadly, much of the experience is ruined for me because I have a bad back, and this is probably the least comfortable ride experience at Walt Disney World for me.

The only one that might also be in the conversation is Space Mountain, which is intentionally rickety.

So, my personal discomfort often ruins the illusion.

I fully understand why most of you feel differently, because this attraction exemplifies the excellence of Disney Imagineering.

Na’Vi River Journey

Yes, I’m one of those freaks who prefers Na’Vi River Journey, as I’m in love with the experiential elements of the ride.

While Avatar Flight of Passage tells its story via a projection movie screen, Na’Vi River Journey consists of an actual Pandoran forest.

The bioluminescence on display is visually stimulating, and I treasure the dark forest elements of the ride.

For those of you who haven’t read The Three Body Problem, it expresses a belief that every would-be predator is secretly afraid of even more dangerous predators.

This gorgeous Disney ride doubles as a somewhat macabre take on predators versus prey.

That’s an element of the movie Avatar that I feel people overlook.

I love that it’s pervasive throughout Na’Vi River Journey if you know where to look.

Expedition Everest

I’ve been a thrill ride fanatic all my life.

One of the lingering critiques fans had at Disney theme parks is that they lacked such experiences.

Imagineers heard such complaints and took issue with them.

They worked out their aggression on Expedition Everest, the ride where broken tracks are somehow the least of your problems.

Once you identify the peril, you quickly face an even greater challenge as you soar backwards at maximum velocity.

The ill-fated trip through a cursed mountain vacillates between eternal darkness and an unwelcome encounter with an anti-social Yeti.

Expedition Everest is pure joy and one of the best things Disney has ever done.

Kilimanjaro Safaris

So, what we have at the core is a debate about the identity of Animal Kingdom and the nature of a ride experience.

When you want to ride something conventionally fun, you pick Expedition Everest. There’s no hesitation.

However, when you want to experience the soul of Animal Kingdom, you take a jeep ride through the natural habitats of the park’s countless residents.

On some excursions, most of the residents will be napping, which may sound boring but isn’t.

I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a lion who was awake, yet that’s one of my favorite parts of the attraction.

On different occasions, you’ll watch in awe as animals from different species frolic and sometimes grow too aggressive with each other.

I’ve watched an animal chase another one for half a mile, no joke.

At one point, I grew alarmed that it might catch up and whether any unseen zoologists might intervene.

Don’t worry, though. They were both herbivores.

Nature is amazing, and that’s why Kilimanjaro Safaris will always exemplify the spirit of Animal Kingdom.

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