Who Are the 13 Scariest Happy Haunts?
Did you know that 999 Happy Haunts reside at the Haunted Mansion?
Encountering several of them won’t make you the least bit happy, though.
Here are the 13 most terrifying residents of Disney’s Haunted Mansion.
1) Constance Hatchaway
Look, I’ve been through a few breakups, too. However, none of my conscious uncouplings came with a body count.
Photo: YouTube/UrbanXplorerIDaho
The criminal investigators in Constance Hatchaway’s area must be some of the most incompetent goofs on the planet.
I’ve seen the guilt-proving pictures in her attic, so how does she get away with it? Bribes? Seduction?
Photo: hauntedmansion.fandom.com
On second thought, seduction shouldn’t even be on the table.
This woman has the devil in her.
If she ever invites you out to dinner, here’s a pro tip: You should say good night when she grabs the cutlery.
2) The Hatbox Ghost
I’ve never been beheaded before, so I can’t say how I’d feel if it happened.
Hat Box Ghost
Still, I doubt I’d be this gleeful.
There’s something quite unsettling about a man whose head apparates in and out of existence every few seconds.
The only reason I didn’t rank him any higher is that you have to give the man his due respect. He looks dapper.
3) The Ghost Host
The Ghost Host counts as something of an international man of mystery, as Disney has always been cagey about his identity.
We think that it’s Master Gracey, but even that isn’t confirmed. His history may involve a pirate named Captain Gore, as that was the original plan for the attraction.
However, as you know, Disney went through countless revisions over the nearly 15 years it took to create this attraction.
So, it’s possible that he’s someone else.
Some Disney literature suggests that he’s the MOST dangerous of all the ghosts. He certainly gets a kick out of human suffering more than the rest.
In fact, the Ghost Host’s one joy in afterlife is apparently enticing strangers to stay in the haunted mansion forever.
Who is the Ghost Host, really? Perhaps we’ll never know. But let’s give him some credit. He has a wicked sense of humor and hosts the swinginest parties.
Source: Disney
4) Madame Leota
Do you ever buy those snowglobes? You probably wonder what it’s like to fit in there for a while.
After all, some of the more detailed ones include full villages.
Maybe those people have hopes and dreams. We don’t know.
What we do know is that Madame Leota has a ball in her crystal.
Personally, I wouldn’t want to live there full-time, and I’m terrified of anyone who would.
That’s what’s remarkable about Madame Leota, though. She doesn’t come across as evil or sadistic like the rest of the Happy Haunts.
It’s like she’s willingly chosen Ball Life so that she can spy on these infernal characters.
Mayhap Madame Leota is the hero of the piece, but she’s still a lunatic who lives in a crystal ball. And that ain’t right.
Oh, and there’s that weird Little Leota at the end, and she’s REALLY obsessed with my death certificate.
Credit: https://hauntedmansion.fandom.com/wiki/Madame_Leota
5, 6, 7) The Hitchhiking Ghosts
You know what’s more terrifying than people who won’t leave the party after it’s over?
Strangers who follow you home.
Photo: Joshua Sudock/Disneyland Resort
In fact, there was a horror movie about this called The Strangers.
The Hitchhiking Ghosts – Phineas, Ezra, and Gus – are basically the people you see on abandoned roads holding out their thumbs.
Only they don’t leave the choice up to you. It’s like they can stop your car or something.
They go where you go. It resembles the Texas Chainsaw Massacre if you think about it.
Basically, what I’m saying is that a lot of horror movie tropes play out like the Hitchhiking Ghosts.
Also, one of them keeps hitting me in the face with pie.
8, 9) Duelists
According to legend, these two were brothers who fought on opposite sides of the Civil War.
Photo: hauntedmansion.fandom.com
Not content to settle their differences in the afterlife, the two get together every few seconds and shoot each other in the stomach again and again.
Anyone with siblings can relate at least a little bit, but this takes momentary rage a bit too far.
10, 11) The Phantoms of the Opera
Have you ever tried to fit into a pair of pants that have grown too tight?
You do what you gotta do to cinch it up, especially if it’s date night.
Photo: hauntedmansion.fandom.com/
Well, this opera singer, the heavyset woman in the opera helmet, cares so much about her art that she lets a dude squeeze her entrails during her performance to ensure that she can hit the high note.
We can talk about the greatness of Michael Jordan all we want, but I don’t remember Steve Kerr committing acts of violence against him to ensure #23 played at his highest level.
Okay, there was that one fight in practice, but…
12) Pop-Up Tombstone Ghost
You know that friend who’s always pulling pranks that they think are funny? The kind that makes you want to use the word “friend” in air quotes?
That’s what this thing is.
The ride is almost over. You’re enjoying the music. Your guard is finally down. And then BAM! Ghost out of nowhere.
Photo: davelandweb.com
He thinks it’s funny. You think he’d look great in a vat of piranhas.
13) The Executioner
Unless you’re a pro wrestler, this is not a name you want to have.
Photo: WWE
Even then, you’ve accepted that the fans are going to boo you.
Also, here’s the real question. If everyone in this place is already dead, why do they keep an executioner on staff?
Photo: Disney
You know what? I want off this Doom Buggy right now.
Honorable Mention: The Dread Family
We didn’t include these six, because we’re not 100 percent sure they live here – just their tombstones.
Photo: MickeyTravels.com
However, their story makes Succession look like The Brady Bunch.
Everyone gets angry at their family sometimes, but for all of them to kill one another? That’s pretty messed up.
