A Few More Disney Hot Takes
Hello from The Bahamas! I’m currently on a cruise as you read this, and that’s what makes this article so cowardly.
I waited until I was gone on vacation to publish an article of some of my most controversial, least defensible Disney opinions.
Here are a few more hot takes about Disney theme parks. You are NOT going to like them.
Disney Should Redesign the Enchanted Tiki Room
Enchanted Tiki Room
Oh, yeah. We’re coming in hot.
First, let’s acknowledge the fact that Disney tried this once, and it was a debacle. This abomination existed:
Disney attempted to modernize Enchanted Tiki Room in the worst way possible: forced intellectual property.
Shoving Aladdin and The Lion King characters into Enchanted Tiki Room was an ill-considered shotgun marriage.
Image Credit: Walt Disney Family Museum
Nobody wants that, and Disney should have understood it. But that’s not the redesign I want.
Walt Disney himself worked on Enchanted Tiki Room, and there are videos of him interacting with the avian Audio-Animatronics.
So, I understand the reverence for the characters at the Enchanted Tiki Room, but here’s the thing.
In the immortal words of Indiana Jones, it belongs in a museum. Well, the robotic birds do.
Imagineers have kept them spry and functional for nearly 65 years now, a remarkable feat.
Photo: Magic and Memories
Realistically, they’ve seen better days, though. Disney should retire the classic birds and update the show.
Before you cry foul, let’s remember that Disney just did the same thing with Country Bear Musical Jamboree.
Photo: Disney Parks Blog
That worked out really well, didn’t it? Disney created an entirely new story that is more relevant and timely today.
This topic will come up twice today as Disney walks that fine line between respecting its history and looking forward.
Photo: WDW magic
With Enchanted Tiki Room, what we have simply doesn’t connect with audiences the way it did during the 20th century.
A new show would change that, and Disney should create new birds as well.
Image Credit: Walt Disney Family Museum
This may be what the company has in mind with its Nvidia deal.
The Audio-Animatronics of the 1960s were revolutionary, but they’ve had their time in the sun. It’s time for the next thing.
I Want Disney IP
Photo:Rappler
You’re probably looking at me like you want to rip my face off right now, but I know what I’m supposed to say.
Something along the lines of, “Disney IP bad, want more original stuff” seems to be the consensus opinion on the internet.
Photo: wirefly.com
Well, here’s an excellent example of how the internet doesn’t always reflect how people feel.
It’s a small segment of the population who happens to talk more, and I’m saying that as one of the internet’s most prolific writers.
Photo: Disney
The reality at Disney is that people vote with their wallets.
So, while you and I may hate the idea of Rivers of America closing, the average tourist doesn’t.
Also, this is when I confess that I don’t, either. I think it’s an attractive part of Magic Kingdom, but I could live without it.
What matters to me is that Magic Kingdom hosts the best and largest number of attractions possible.
Give Me All the IP
Photo: Disney
I happen to be a huge fan of the Cars series as well, and don’t even get me started on Disney Villains.
Similarly, I’m all for more Moana at the parks, I’m counting down the days on the Coco ride, and I want more Avengers.
The Great Movie Ride
Look, I understand why fans are nostalgic about Twilight Zone Tower of Terror and lament the closure of The Great Movie Ride.
My counterpoint is that Journey into Imagination with Figment isn’t a good ride but rather something inferior to the original.
Photo: Universal
When Disney doesn’t use IP for its attractions, there’s no guarantee anyone will like them, either.
I mean, I’ve seen the new characters at Universal Epic Universe, and they got a giggle out of me.
Photo: Universal
Nothing about them made me think, “I wish they had a ride.”
Conversely, when I exit the theater after watching a Disney movie, I frequently wonder how it could be a ride.
Photo: Disney
Zootopia is an excellent example of a film I knew would lend itself well to a themed land, and Shanghai Disneyland proved it.
Disney tells marvelous stories on film that often cost hundreds of millions of dollars to produce.
Why wouldn’t I want to see theme park versions of these experiences? I’ll never understand that thought process.
Space 220 Is the Blueprint for Restaurants
I feel strongly about this one. When Disney announced Space 220, its ambition jumped off the page.
Disney promised something novel, a fully immersive outer space adventure at a restaurant.
Skepticism abounded from the start, and Patina Restaurant Group, Space 220’s owners, did the place no favors.
For various reasons, some of them technical, Patina couldn’t open Space 220 on time…or anywhere close to it.
Photo: Disney
The restaurant suffered multiple high-profile delays, raising the specter it’d never open.
Then, Space 220 finally arrived and redefined what guests should expect at a Disney restaurant.
The experience starts right by the check-in desk when you take a Stellarvater into outer space, where you orbit the planet.
Wall-sized digital displays maintain the illusion of outer space travel throughout the meal.
The experience embodies Disney immersion to the point that when I first ate here, I thought, “This is what Disney should be.”
Since then, only one Disney restaurant has opened with a similar level of immersion: Roundup Rodeo BBQ.
That aggravates me to no end, as I feel strongly that Space 220 should be the blueprint for the future of Disney dining.
Every future restaurant should use Space 220’s theming and immersion as the starting point. It’s what diners should expect.
Space Mountain Needs a Re-Imagining
Yes, I know. Space Mountain doubles as sacred ground for many Disney fans.
It’s the roller coaster that put Magic Kingdom on the map, and it’s so good that Disneyland needed its own version soon afterward.
My hot take within a hot take is that Disneyland gets the premise wrong, hosting a two-person ride cart.
The primary reason why Space Mountain works so effectively is that it encapsulates the isolation of space.
Photo: Disney World
You’re alone in a place where no one can hear you scream, which you can’t help but do on the ride.
This is a one-player game, yet Disneyland inexplicably made it co-op.
While Space Mountain is decidedly better at Magic Kingdom, it’s still not great. You heard me.
Sure, the roller coaster delighted me as a child, but I grew up. More importantly, thrill rides evolved.
Photo: Disney
They did so partially because Space Mountain redefined the entire roller coaster genre and used it as the measuring stick.
All the coasters that came after it had to clear the Space Mountain bar of excellence, which many did.
Photo: Disney
So, Space Mountain seems average at best nowadays. Tokyo Disneyland’s leadership understands this fact.
That park is redesigning Space Mountain for modern audiences, and that’s the step Magic Kingdom should take as well.
Photo: Disney
None of us are married to the exact structure and layout of Space Mountain as much as what the ride represents.
Disney officials wouldn’t be doing anything wrong to build a modern version for the next 50 years.
Credit: Disney
That would be an act of protecting the Space Mountain brand rather than coasting on the current, outdated one.
Employing Occam’s razor here, the ride most closely associated with Tomorrowland shouldn’t be outdated, should it?
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Feature Image Credit: Walt Disney Family Museum
