As the Disney World Turns: The Theme Park Soap Opera

The Walt Disney Company has turned into the favorite soap opera of many fans and even more haters.

During the 21^st century, Disney has found itself embroiled in many controversies, some of which involved the actual heirs of Walt and Roy Disney.

I don’t blame you if you’ve had trouble keeping up with all the Disney drama.

So, I’ve put together this list of all the featured players in the ongoing Disney soap opera.

King of the World — Bob Iger

One of the pivotal moments in Breaking Bad occurs when Walter White realizes that all his enemies have died. It’s like the sky has opened and beamed sunlight directly at him.

Bob Iger experienced something similar in November 2022. After taking nearly two years to say goodbye, Iger quickly realized he hated retirement.

Even worse, Disney’s former CEO could only watch in anguish as his successor acted like he was Nero while Disney was Rome.

Now, the tide has turned, though. Iger has returned to power, and is once again ruling Hollywood and Wall Street. It’s good to be the king.

Got the Joffrey Treatment – Bob Chapek

Have you watched Game of Thrones? Joffrey died horribly on that show, even by Game of Thrones standards.

Nobody felt an ounce of pity for him, though. By that point, everyone in Westeros despised Joffrey so much that they just wanted him gone.

That’s Bob Chapek’s tenure as Disney CEO. It ended savagely, but nobody shed a tear for his fate.

Now, Chapek sits on the outside, plotting the moment he can take some semblance of revenge on his executioners.

Lived Long Enough to Become the Villain – Michael Eisner

Nobody understands Chapek’s pain quite like Michael Eisner.

Once upon a time, Eisner swept into Disney as the conquering hero. He and his partner, Frank Wells, could do no wrong during those early days.

The Hollywood power duo reinvigorated Disney and exponentially increased the company’s stock price and market cap.

Tragically, Wells died in a plane crash, and Eisner was never quite the same. Ultimately, Disney’s former CEO got pushed out by company royalty.

Roy E. Disney, the son of Roy O. Disney and nephew of Walt Disney, turned on Eisner. Eventually, the executive ceded the point and left Disney.

Since then, Eisner has mainly laid low. However, I suspect that he feels more sympathy for Chapek than anybody else on the planet.

Mr. Perfect – Kevin Feige

The President of Marvel Studios first joined the company in 2000.

He was 27 at the time, and his career highlight to that point had been working as an assistant during the production of You’ve Got Mail.

Feige has come a long way.

Now, the producer claims a disproportionate amount of responsibility for the most successful film franchise ever, the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

Feige is arguably the most powerful person at Disney. When he speaks, everyone must listen because Marvel movies pay for everything else at Disney.

If Scar Were a Real Person – Isaac Perlmutter

Alas, every hero needs a good villain. In the case of Feige, that’s one of Disney’s largest shareholders and former Marvel CEO, Ike Perlmutter.

In 2015, Feige famously threw down the gauntlet that he was making movies starring a woman and an African American man.

The individual who tried to block him from these productions was ostensibly his boss, Perlmutter.

Iger recognized that Feige was ready to walk over the matter and reorganized Disney simply to prevent that eventuality.

Perlmutter took that personally.

I Like Ike – Nelson Peltz

What happens when an 80-year-old expresses outrage to another 80-year-old?

I’m not quite sure, but it probably involves lots of yelling, repeated sentences, and an early bird dinner special.

Anyway, Peltz grew bored with trying to ruin Wendy’s. So, he’ll spend the next few months trying to ruin Disney instead.

As an aside, is there anything funnier than an octogenarian trying to tell Disney executives that they’re doing streaming wrong?

Iger should make Peltz prove he can even play Disney+ on his phone before taking digital business advice from the man.

Thinks You’re Fat and Isn’t Afraid to Say So – Christine McCarthy

Everyone has a friend – or at least an acquaintance – who says too much and thinks too little.

In Disney’s corporate structure, that person is CFO Christine McCarthy, someone who should never hold a live microphone.

McCarthy’s most memorable moment at Disney came during an earnings call. She implied that Disney fans could stand to have smaller meal portions.

We hold her personally responsible for the size of this salad. Thankfully, since Iger returned, portions have increased once again.

Nobody’s quite sure what to make of McCarthy at this point. She seemed to work in lockstep with Chapek on many Disney decisions.

However, reports after the fact suggested it was McCarthy who took down Chapek. So, she may be the Arya Stark of this story…or the Cersei.

Leaving “By Choice” – Susan Arnold

A similar thought process applies to Susan Arnold, the current Chairman of the Board at Disney.

Arnold reportedly supported Chapek throughout his tenure as CEO. In fact, she allegedly favored Chapek over Iger when the two men argued.

Coincidentally or not, Arnold’s reaching her 15-year term limit as a member of Disney’s Board. At that time, the company will (forcibly?) retire her.

In Breaking Bad terms, she’s more the Jesse Pinkman than the Walter White.

Is It the Shoes? – Mark Parker

Presuming that everything goes as planned, former Nike CEO Mark Parker will soon take his spot at the head of the table at Disney.

Iger and Disney’s Board have recommended that Parker become the Chairman of the Board.

On paper, Parker and Iger sound like a dream team, the kind Disney once had with Eisner and Wells.

So, there’s cause for optimism as long as Perlmutter and Peltz don’t blow this for the rest of us.

Ned Stark Memorial Trophy – Peter Rice

On a random Thursday, Bob Chapek treated Peter Rice like Old Yeller.

In a merciless, brief conversation, Chapek terminated Rice from his high-profile position as Chairman of Disney General Entertainment Content.

Rice hasn’t publicly commented to date, but later reporting explained the execution.

Apparently, the Disney executive had spoken frequently with Disney’s Board about his misgivings about Chapek. And snitches get stitches.

Won a Set of Steak Knives for Finishing Second – Kevin Mayer and Thomas Staggs

Both executives appeared likely to replace Iger as Disney’s next CEO.

Each one suddenly found himself on the outs and forced to leave the company.

To their credit, Mayer and Staggs have joined forces in a lucrative startup venture, Candle Media.

Still, there’s got to be a lot of pain in knowing that your boss didn’t believe in you as much as they did Bob Chapek.

Too Old for This…Stuff – Alan Horn

Poor Alan Horn got pushed out by incompetent, ageist executives at Warner Bros. So, he had the last laugh by joining Disney.

In a remarkable turn of events, Horn and Feige formed a super duo, thereby reigniting Disney’s theatrical business. For the body of a decade, they couldn’t miss.

Then, Chapek became CEO and promptly treated Horn like his old WB bosses had.

So, now Horn has left and gone back to WB, which has a new creative leader, director Sean Gunn, a protégé of Feige.

At some point, Horn was probably gonna take a run at luring Feige to Warner Bros. Discovery.

To his credit, Chapek anticipated this possibility and re-signed Feige to a multi-year contract in 2022.

So, there’s nothing to worry about yet, even with Perlmutter back and ranting about kids these days with their movie phones and Tikky Toks.

Prince Charming – Josh D’Amaro

Everyone loves Prince Charming…in theory. He’s handsome, affable, and charismatic enough in a non-threatening way. Basically, he’s the fables equivalent of a boy band.

That’s D’Amaro in a nutshell. He’s a nice looking, kindly executive who has risen to the top of the Disney theme park empire primarily because everyone loves him.

Like Prince Charming, D’Amaro seems to do plenty enough to remain popular. Nobody’s quite sure if he’s more than just a pretty face, though.

Competent and Well Regarded So Probably Doomed – Dana Walden

By all accounts, Walden is bright, professional, competent, and respected.

At Disney, that means she’s like a teenager grabbing a flashlight and heading down to the basement in a horror movie. This won’t end well. I can’t watch.

All joking aside, if Disney finds its CEO replacement internally, Walden should be the choice.

Lucky to Be Here…Or Anywhere, Really – Jimmy Pitaro

This executive currently serves as Chairman, ESPN and Sports Content. He has worked at Disney since 2010.

I cordially invite you to name one memorable thing Pitaro has done as ESPN’s leader the past five years.

Pitaro is the proof that keeping a low profile and staying out of headlines is the best way to get ahead at Disney these days.

Feature Image: Disney

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