Tourist Guide to Batuu — Speaking the Language
You humans have a saying, “When in Rome…” I’m told that its meaning indicates that you should act like a local when you’re visiting a place. Well, you’re on Batuu now, and so you better start acting like a frequent visitor at Black Spire Outpost. Otherwise, one of the less kindly mercenaries here may steal all your money, beat you to a pulp, and sell you to 8D-J8 at Ronto Roasters. You don’t want to be a roast, right? Then, you better learn the lingo. Here’s a tourist guide to the popular phrases on Batuu.
How to Say Hello
Informal greetings are a great way to build relationships on Batuu. Your goal here is to say enough to others that they don’t actively want to murder you. This place is literally on the edge of the galaxy, and a lot of the residents are twitchy. The right daily greetings could be the difference between others feeling apathetic about you or hunting you for sport.
You want to learn how to say hello. The answer varies depending on the time of day. During what you Earthlings would call morning, you should say, “Bright Suns!” It’s a nice way to acknowledge that you’re aware of the other person AND the time of day.
In the evening, your greeting will change. You’ll say “Rising Moons!” instead. I’m not sure how things work on your planet, but the start of the day indicates that the Sun has risen in the sky and brought daylight. As night approaches, the moon assumes prominence in the sky. Our language reflects these changes.
The citizens of Batuu are a normal lot despite some of their nefarious tendencies. They’ll look at you strange when you use the wrong greeting. Ambitious tourists may try the wrong greeting just to see the type of reaction that you get from the locals. Please understand that you may get funny looks and angry retorts, though. You’re taking a calculated risk here.
What should you do during the afternoon or an undefined time of the day? You can use an informal greeting instead. For example, my understanding is that humans say the word “Good-bye!” as an acknowledgement that you want to exit the conversation. While your impoliteness is noted, we have similar phrasing here.
You’ll want to say, “’Till the Spire!” to abandon a talk that has grown tiresome. For example, I’d love to say “Till the Spire!” to you right now, but I’m on the clock for another four hours, so here we are. Are you getting the hint that I’m not a fan of Earth tourists? “Only the Ancients know!” That’s my people’s way of saying “I don’t know!”
We have two other ways of saying farewell. Even I’m not clear on that one. I presume it’s a bureaucratic deal. Anyway, the formal way of saying good-bye is, “May the Spires keep you!” The informal way of saying good-bye is, “Good journey!” You’ll decide based on the tone of the conversation. You should feel free to be informal with me since I’m clearly only talking to you because that’s my literal job.
So, in case you weren’t paying attention, “Bright Suns!” means “Good morning!”, and “Rising Moons” = “Good evening!” “I don’t know!” is “Only the Ancients know!,” and “’Till the Spire!” means “Farewell!” Alternately, you could offer a formal good-bye of “May the Spires keep you!” or an informal good-bye of “Good journey!”
Asking Important Tourist Questions
You humans have revolting internal organs. They process proteins in truly disgusting ways. You’re worse than Rontos, and I’m actively disgusted by you. Still, I don’t want you making a mess or suffering any sort of physical ailments while you’re a guest on my planet. It’s important that you know how to ask a few important questions.
For example, I understand that your organs do not store liquids for later usage. You need to drink copious amounts of water daily to survive. You’re weak, and that’s okay as long as your money spends.
When you’re thirsty, you should ask for the Hydrator. It’s what the locals call your water fountain. Since your bodies are creepy, however, you don’t use your fluids efficiently. You cycle them like some sort of mechanical lubricant. You need to dispose of your waste rather than cause a mess.
Let me be clear. I don’t want you making a mess, either. I’m grossed out enough knowing that your bowels are active. I don’t want to see them in action. When you need to eliminate waste, you should ask for the location of a Refresher. These facilities are where non-gross sentient species “go to the bathroom” as you humans are prone to say.
So, a water fountain is a Hydrator, and a bathroom is a Refresher. And humans are nasty.
Identifying Alliances
One of the open secrets of Batuu is that loyalties are split here. Factions are an everyday part of life on this planet. Some residents and visitors here are disciples of The First Order, the ruling party of the galaxy. Others are part of The Resistance, the band of rebels who must employ subterfuge to avoid detection by law enforcement officials.
You don’t need any sort of secret greeting to identify as a member of The First Order. They’re the people in power and don’t have to hide anything. When you’re a rebel, the situation is different. You’ll need to know how to prove your loyalty to The Resistance.
Members of The Resistance should greet each other by saying, “Ignite the Spark!” It’s an indication that you want to overthrow the government and make sure that crybaby, Kylo Ren, gets what’s coming to him…but maybe I’ve said too much.
Now that I’ve all but admitted that I’m part of The Resistance, I should just reply with the coded term that proves it. The appropriate response to “Ignite the Spark!” is “Light the Fire!” When you say anything other than that, you’ll worry the other person that you’re not really a member of The Resistance. Don’t freak out the good guys, my new friends. And yes, we’re friends now that I know you’re in The Resistance.
So, you say “Ignite the Spark!” when you’re a part of The Resistance and want others to know. When someone says it to you, the reply is, “Light the Fire!”
Other Batuu Phrases
Speaking of this planet, you may have noticed on your way to Batuu that other places are somehow only a few hundred steps away. The special magic of this place allows you to travel to other realms like Adventureland, Tomorrowland, and Frontierland.
Our employees here have developed a code so that human tourists may specify their current location. When you’re visiting Batuu at Galaxy’s Edge, the local employees will refer to this place as “On Planet.” This phrase simply means that you’re at Black Spire Outpost rather than other odd places like “Main Street, U.S.A.”, whatever that is.
Are there any other terms that you may find useful? “Only the Ancients know!” That’s Batuu-speak for “I don’t know!”
Have fun on planet, my new friends in The Resistance!
